Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
