How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize