I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
