can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
