Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
