she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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