I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
