I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just gift wrapped bread.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
