im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize