ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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