You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
