omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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