Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
