my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Someone signed my nipple.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
