i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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