I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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