watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When are your genitals available?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
