Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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