Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
