so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
