i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
