Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
