if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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