I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
