Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
