so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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