Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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