i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
