The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
