I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
