so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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