i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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