Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
