I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
