I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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