She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
