Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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