If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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