So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
