She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
