Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
