i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
