I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
