he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
