Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
