btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
