We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
