Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
