I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I currently don't understand fingers.
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