he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
