Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
