Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
