I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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