Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
