Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i dont even know how to be here
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
