He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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