Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
