I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
