Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am spending my child support on dildos
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
