Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
