You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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