if you like me you must not know who I am
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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