Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
