We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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