if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
