i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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