and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize