I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
