Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
