i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
