Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
