And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
