i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize