it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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