The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
