i barfeds in our rink
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
