I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
